


Keta

by ThatBohoFemme



Series: The World of Obscure Emotions [6]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Infant loss, M/M, Recovered Memories, Triggers, bad memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 09:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13292076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatBohoFemme/pseuds/ThatBohoFemme
Summary: Seththinkshe's slowly getting away from the ever-persistent pain of losing Stella. He knows he will always miss her and always wonder what might have been. He knows she will always be in the back of his mind every day for the rest of his life.They have Vivian now. She's nine weeks old and changing every day. It's been such a treat for them to watch her grow into her personality. She's not Stella's replacement. She wouldneverreplace Stella. Yet, Vivian's presence gives them something else to focus on. She's bringing the light into their lives.Seth honestly thinks he's fine with everything going on until one night,he's not.





	Keta

**Author's Note:**

> You may want your tissues for this one. 
> 
> There is some implied infant loss but if you've followed this series up until now, you know what I'm talking about. I promise to try to make the next one happier. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_**Keta- pronounced Kay-tah- an image that inexplicably leaps back in your mind from the distant past** _

Seth _thinks_ he's slowly getting away from the ever-persistent pain of losing Stella. He knows he will always miss her and always wonder what might have been. He knows she will always be in the back of his mind every day for the rest of his life. 

They have Vivian now. She's nine weeks old and changing every day. It's been such a treat for them to watch her grow into her personality. She's not Stella's replacement. She would _never_ replace Stella. Yet, Vivian's presence gives them something else to focus on. She's bringing the light into their lives. 

Seth honestly thinks he's fine with everything going on until one night, _he's not_.

Dean's up, taking care of the baby. She's up for her middle of the night feeding. Seth had offered to take care of her but Dean had insisted he had it. 

Seth's standing beside the bed, watching Dean change her diaper. As Dean tends to her, he hums a tune that sounds vaguely familiar but is one that Seth can't place. 

Then, it hits him. 

The room's suddenly _much_ too small. His palms sweat. His heart begins to beat rapidly. Dizziness threatens to seize him so he sits down hard on the bed before his legs give way. He shakes violently, the dizziness still consuming him. 

"Seth?" Dean calls. He must have seen everything. Seth can hear his husband assuring their daughter that she will be taken care of soon. He hears her howling, her cries starting soft but growing steadily louder. Dean must have set her in the bassinet. 

"Take care of the baby. I'm fine," Seth mutters, lying down and rolling over to press his face into the mattress. He can't have her crying right now. Every time she howls, it causes his heart to beat faster and his anxiety to rise. 

"She's coming with me," Dean says. Seth hears him hushing her until her howls turn into soft hiccups. The soft thud of Dean's bare feet on the carpet tell Seth he's walking towards the bed. As the mattress dips, Seth raises his head, He watches Dean press his free hand onto his husband's shoulder. 

"Yes?" Seth winces. Sitting up just causes the room to spin and his stomach to squeeze in nausea. He lies his head down again. 

"You okay? If I didn't know better, think you were having a panic attack. You haven't had one in ages though." Dean squeezes Seth's shoulder. 

"Think I did," Seth admits, turning carefully. He lays on his side, Dean's pillow clutched to his chest and allowing a chance for the room to stop spinning. 

"Are you okay now?" Dean asks, holding Vivian in his lap "I know they're usually pretty bad." He gently pushes a lock of sweaty hair out of Seth's eyes. 

"It was _odd_. I was watching you with Vivi and trying to remember what you were humming.. I've heard it before but can't remember where." Seth squeezes his eyes shut, trying to figure out what triggered the attack. "What was the song?" 

"Just a song. Heard it years ago." Dean sighs, nibbling on his lower lip. "Annabel by Don Henley." He hums a few notes, trying to place the song. "Don't even remember why I know it." He keeps humming. 

The few seconds of song is enough to send Seth back into his head. Panic rises in his chest as he realizes he's locked in a memory. It's a day he _never_ wanted to relive. 

Seth shuts the door behind him, trying to ignore the cloying scent of disinfectant. He turns, staring at the hospital bed. Dean's humming, fussing with the unnamed baby and the pink blankets she's bundled in. Dean's humming grows steadily louder as he rocks back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. As if noticing Seth for the first time, Dean raises his head ever so slightly, his hollow blue eyes full of pain, questioning and grief. Dean glances back at the baby, lovingly cradled in the crook of his arm and speaks. 

_When she came, I was going to ask you what you thought of the name, Annabel. It's a song I sang when she was inside. Doesn't seem right now._

Dean rocks, his pace steady. As he waits for Seth to respond, he hums. 

_She's among the stars now._

“Seth.”

A firm shake to the shoulder rips him out of the memory. 

“What?” he asks, blinking back tears. Shaking, he brings his hand to his face and feels the wetness running down his cheeks. 

“Kind of starting to scare me. You went all quiet and started crying,” Dean says. “What happened?”

“The song...”

“Yeah, not so sure I like it but trying to find ‘our song’...” Dean’s voice trails off. 

With a start, Seth realizes something. 

Dean’s the sort of person who’s possessive of his memories. He’s very aware of his triggers and avoids the ones that remind of the shit he’d rather not relive. If he remembered the song and where it really came from, he never would have used it as a lullaby for Vivian. 

“Sorry, can’t really remember. You know I can be foggy when the attacks end,” Seth whispers, licking his dry lips with the tip of his tongue. 

“If you’re sure,” Dean replies, staring at Vivian who’s staring wide-eyed at him. “Vivi, now that I think about it, _really_ don’t think that’s our song. Oh well. We’ll find one.” He leans in, kissing Seth’s tear-stained cheek. “I’ll be in as soon as I get Vivi back to sleep.”

Seth nods, cautiously sitting up. He reaches into the nightstand drawer and pulls out his emergency bottle of Xanax. Still shaking, he swallows two pills with a sip of water, deciding a double dose is best. 

He knows he should tell Dean about the memory. He also knows by doing that, he’s going to bring his husband back to the worst day of their lives. If he doesn’t remember, it would only be cruel for Seth to remind him. 

Seth knows ‘they’ say ignorance is bliss. He’s never considered that particularly true until this very moment.   
-fin-


End file.
